My new year started a few weeks late.
Call it a time delay if you will, there's not an adequate word out
there to describe why. It seems that my past and my future were all
jumbled up, and needed to sort themselves out, and of course, neither
my past nor my future gives a damn about what time of year it is,
never mind that it is the culturally prescribed time for their
meeting (at least in the western world).
Much of my time in Australia has been
devoted to building a life here. And I have, to some success. It is
by no means my ideal life, but it is still a good one, and I, of
course, still have much of it to build. I have a good foundation,
partially formed from the one I came from, and partially formed from
the one I laid upon arriving and the months that followed (admittedly
I've not built much past the foundation, give me a break, though,
it's been 5 months!).
I've realized, through my building,
that something was wrong. Perhaps I was building to quickly and
things weren't setting properly. Or maybe I was using the wrong
materials. I'm not quite sure, but I do know I must slow down,
reevaluate the structure, and go at a more deliberate pace. It does
not do to rush. Or perhaps I have built what I can for now and must
let other forces take over construction, until it is
again time for my hands to build. Or perhaps one does not build a
life at all, but instead, life builds him. Most likely it is a mix of
both.
I look forward to finding out.
I spent a great deal of time looking
into my futures this past month, for good or for ill. I saw a great
deal of things, many of which made me smile and laugh with joy, many
of which I wish to achieve, and many of which brought me sorrow.
Regardless of what I saw, it is a burden to stare for too long, and
weighs upon the heart and soul, blocking what is more important, and
that is now, here, presence. I urge you not to look to hard or to far
past the present moment, it will only lead to hurt, especially if you
anchor your looking glass in the past, rather than the present.
This being said, it is good to plan for
your future, this is what goals and dreams are, plans for what you
want to come and become. But only go so far as it is safe to see.
Right now there are a few things that I
can say with certainty are in my future, all of which, I can proudly
say, I look forward too. In the next few months I will be going to
Tasmania, New Zealand, the Great Barrier Reef, Sydney, and continue
to let life build me in a city I've come to love, Melbourne. What
each place will give me I do not know, I only hope I can give as much
as I am given.
