Star Wars, Elgar, and an Unfinished Poem

Time is making a fool of me again, but we are still good friends. It is hard to believe that my journey through Oz has almost reached the ten month mark. I'm sorry I did not take you along for the better part of it. The intention was there, the motivation was not. Can we still be friends? I have things to share!

Suffice it to say, there is too much to catch you up in one blog. So I will fast forward to May. I mean, it's the best month anyway! Up to this point, I have seen much more of Australia, and its majestic neighbor, New Zealand, including Sydney, Cairns/Port Douglas, the Great Barrier Reef, Port Phillip Island, Wellington, and Queenstown. It was quite the whirlwind of travel, and my beautiful parents were there for much of it, making the adventure far sweeter.

I've learned a great deal, about the world and about my self. I've had lowly lows and fantastic highs, I have had quiet times and noisy times, comforting times and restless ones too, and some that are just all a jumble of many times, or a few. I've met a great many interesting people, of both nice and rather sketchy character, and many in between! I have made friends of a lasting variety, friends that have come from all over the world, Sri Lanka, Canada, Wales, and of course Australia too! Hmm, this is beginning to sound like a farewell blog, so let's return to the month of May. It's not quite time to say goodbye, not yet!

May has been my favorite month this year, and not because it bares my birthday. I've had and shared many a great event, whether it be as simple as going to see a movie or sharing a meal with my friends, or something exciting like singing a Star Wars concert! Admittedly, it was a rather humorous experience, as in under-prepared humorous, but it was very enjoyable nonetheless! There were Stormtroopers and Ewok's for goodness sake!

Next on the horizon is a large concert performing Elgar and Vaughn Williams in the town hall. I will also be joining a select few in the studio, to record music for a feature film. It is fair to say that a month full of singing avenues and events is a good month in my book. While we're on choir news, I will being joining the philharmonic on a Tasmania tour (of sorts) to sing three or four concerts in early July, a trip I have been greatly anticipating!

I suppose the only other thing of note I have to share are shoes! I have new ones and they're glorious! Oh, and I have this poem, it was written on a particularly sleepless night at 3am. It is unedited and unfinished, but a part of me yearns to share it. That is, after all, a part of the process of creation.

Help Make Grow / Drifting

I need a starting point.

Something I can build off of,

Something I can help make grow.

It seems I'm just drifting.

I suppose that's not so unfortunate a thing.

Thought it's not what I want to be doing.

I want to help make something grow.

A dream perhaps? I've done it before.

Hell, I'm living one!

Australia was always a dream, always an open door,

and look at me now, almost a year I've spent here

and still there's more to go.

I don't know what's next, though.

I need another dream.

I have many, but

something tells me they're not quite right.

Not yet, not tonight.

What are they?

Oh, I dream of having a partner, whom I love and who loves me.

Equally,

or at least sixty/forty.

I dream of having a home to share with him, a home that is bright and welcoming,

a home that is warm and comforting.

I dream of traveling the world and seeing many sights,

Like sunsets over distant seas

and mountains of great heights

I dream of having no money worries,

to share and give as openly as I receive.

I dream of heaven too,

but that dream I will not share, except to a few.

I dream a lot about future things, don't I?

Perhaps I should start dreaming of present things.

Maybe then I will find it,

and what ever it brings,

so long as I can help it grow.

But alas no present dream is calling me.

No desire, no wish, no action

Presently

I am drifting.

Perhaps... Perhaps I should help another person's dream to grow.

Perhaps this journey was never meant for me,

but for the people I came to know,

came to see.

A Product of Writer's Block. AKA: Cloud Ramblings

You know when you can't think of anything to write, you just sit and stare at your blank page and look this way and that letting thoughts wonder in and out of your head, and through and around and back and forth. Sometimes you rewind them and then fast forward them really quickly. Most times they just drift in and out like clouds, lazy white ones though, not the stormy ones, those usually stick around for a while, and anyway, they aren't really writing conducive clouds. The lazy white ones are, cumulus or cumulonimbus, or something or other. The feather ones will even do for a bit of writing, but not stormy, that's generally poem stuff and even then, they tend to come out disjointed and rather terrible. Suffice it to say, stormy clouds aren't great for the whole creative process.

So where was I? Ah yes, white clouds , the lazy ones specifically. Actually today isn't even a lazy white clouds kind of day, even on those days thoughts tend to stick every now and then, like when a big cloud comes along and stays a while. Today, nothing is sticking, today is a blue sky kinda day. Or at least a wispy cloud day, I dislike those little wispy ones, they are almost a tease. Might as well go for the all blue, or a partly cloudy, at least then you can sit and watch them pass and guess the shapes and let your imagination go running away with you. The wispy ones though, they might as well be smoke! In fact, they probably are. Stupid pollution, ruining my blue sky! I do like blue skies by the way, who doesn't? I'm sure there's someone out there who doesn't, trying to defy the mold and all that crap. But blue skies are great! They're pleasant and leave room for lots of sun, they're just not the best for thinking, you know? At least the kind of thinking that gets things done, or goes somewhere. I mean think about it! All that empty space, what's there to hold your thoughts in? Roofs? Yeah I suppose they can a little, but I find they usually hold them back a bit. Clouds are good for holding thoughts, they are allowed to float high and free and unhindered. Roofs are okay so long as you don't need too much thinking to do, or to high a thought to think. They're definitely good for those desk jobs, but if you ever have one that requires a lot of thoughts to be thinking, it can get awful crowded in there, like something fierce. And then of course it's just too noisy to think with all those thoughts floating around with no where to go. Sure opening a window sometimes helps, but then what? All the good ones, that is to say the smart, creative ones go out the window and you're left with the stupid ones, who of course are the noisier of the bunch.

I suppose you could write them down, but it still doesn't quite work as well. And besides, when you go back to them later they can be a confusing mess, or worse, a great thought but you're unable to remember where it was leading. Besides, aren't you suppose to be working!?

All said and done, if you have the time, writing thoughts down is probably the best method for keeping them. It gets them out, and if you're patient and persistent, cleans them up a bit. Sure sometimes they come out crap and all a bumbled, discombobulated mess. But sometimes they come out great, and you can even get a whole story out! Or at least the start of one, which is always exciting. Sure enough though, most times you just end up rambling about clouds, and you know what? That's okay, because you'll probably end up feeling better anyway. And before you know it, you did what you said you should do, which was write something, and look at you, you've almost done a page and a half of unimpeded writing. Who cares if the main subjects of the majority of the sentences were about clouds! Maybe you're a meteorologist, or a skyline painter or photographer, or maybe you just have your head in the clouds? Course I don't, it's a blue sky day...  

A Thousand Steps

“Life is a cycle, Living is not." -Me

Recently, my friend Matt and I hiked a trail in the Dandenong Ranges called the Thousand Steps, a name that is more likely poetic than fact. The trail, as its name suggests, is a little over a kilometer in length and consists most entirely of steps that delve ever upward into the hills. The climb is rather rigorous considering its relatively short distance. It is said to provide a small glimpse of the physical effort taken by the Australian Soldiers in 1942, during the Japanese invasion.

Whether the rigor of the climb was brought on by the difficulty of this particular Kokada* trail, by the heat of the day, or by my dwindled level of fitness, is of little value (I suspect it was a combination of all three). However, the lessons the trail imparted were of great importance. Much of living is learning the lessons within, around and beneath each experience. However deeply we explore each new experience determines what we shall get from this life.

There are a certain set of muscles one uses when climbing a steep incline that are very rarely used in every day life. If I were a biologist, or some sort of medical practitioner, I would name them for you, but alas, I only have a rudimentary knowledge of the human body. Given the comforts of our age, these upward motions, these muscles, are not overly necessary for daily movement. Thus, they fall into disuse, and so when facing a new challenge or hardship before us, such as climbing a thousand, near vertical steps, it is more than a little difficult to overcome them. All because of a simple lack of muscle. Most of us go through our entire lives never exercising these muscles, simply because they are not a necessity for living. Lest we forget, not all muscles are made up of up tissues and fibers.

This particular trail I am traveling has brought an awareness of many new or unused muscles. The life I was living before fit well enough that I had no desire or need to use them, and no overwhelming reason to build them either. Setting myself on this track has forced me to. Many of these muscles revolve around building, such as building relationships, or building a home, building networks, or building courage. Others are more personal, patience, compassion, kindness. Some were hidden behind friends and family, and comfort, and many were because I was never in a situation that required their use, until now.

It has been difficult training, retraining, and building these muscles of mine, both used and unused, both physical and abstract. I can most certainly tell you that I have a long way to go, but I've started working them out. After all, I have already taken the first step, and as the trail has taught me, it's just a matter of continuing to move one foot in front of the other, not being ashamed to pause for a breather when needed.

It is a matter of coincidence, and humor, that upon arriving at the top, Matt realized that we had not even been climbing the thousand steps, but another, slightly longer, though equally as steep, trail. It is nice to know that there is more than one path to whatever destination we seek.

We hiked down the thousand steps.

*Kokoda - Referring to the four month battle of the Kokoda track between the Japanese and Allied forces.

My New Year.

My new year started a few weeks late. Call it a time delay if you will, there's not an adequate word out there to describe why. It seems that my past and my future were all jumbled up, and needed to sort themselves out, and of course, neither my past nor my future gives a damn about what time of year it is, never mind that it is the culturally prescribed time for their meeting (at least in the western world).

Much of my time in Australia has been devoted to building a life here. And I have, to some success. It is by no means my ideal life, but it is still a good one, and I, of course, still have much of it to build. I have a good foundation, partially formed from the one I came from, and partially formed from the one I laid upon arriving and the months that followed (admittedly I've not built much past the foundation, give me a break, though, it's been 5 months!).

I've realized, through my building, that something was wrong. Perhaps I was building to quickly and things weren't setting properly. Or maybe I was using the wrong materials. I'm not quite sure, but I do know I must slow down, reevaluate the structure, and go at a more deliberate pace. It does not do to rush. Or perhaps I have built what I can for now and must let other forces take over construction, until it is again time for my hands to build. Or perhaps one does not build a life at all, but instead, life builds him. Most likely it is a mix of both.

I look forward to finding out.

I spent a great deal of time looking into my futures this past month, for good or for ill. I saw a great deal of things, many of which made me smile and laugh with joy, many of which I wish to achieve, and many of which brought me sorrow. Regardless of what I saw, it is a burden to stare for too long, and weighs upon the heart and soul, blocking what is more important, and that is now, here, presence. I urge you not to look to hard or to far past the present moment, it will only lead to hurt, especially if you anchor your looking glass in the past, rather than the present.

This being said, it is good to plan for your future, this is what goals and dreams are, plans for what you want to come and become. But only go so far as it is safe to see.

Right now there are a few things that I can say with certainty are in my future, all of which, I can proudly say, I look forward too. In the next few months I will be going to Tasmania, New Zealand, the Great Barrier Reef, Sydney, and continue to let life build me in a city I've come to love, Melbourne. What each place will give me I do not know, I only hope I can give as much as I am given.

Sunset Train

I wrote this on one of my v-line train journeys.
Inspired by the setting sun and a longing for what I had just left behind.

Step on

Quiet, thoughtful

Good for writing.

If there is space,

in your mind, in your place.

Great for watching.

See country, See sky

Ponder who, what, why

Remember being.

Warmth, solemnity

Light so bright, so dim

Inspiring, missing , longing,

Hoping, looking, seeing

Moving, stopping,

ever present,

Sunset.

Step off

A Road That Bends

It's November, nearly three months in. I've returned from a very welcomed journey down the Great Ocean Road. A trip that left me longing for home, and what was. A trip that spurred me onward towards adventure, and the unknown. It is no surprise I felt this way, the road itself, when traveled with all its bends and turns, promotes forward movement, never letting you stay in one place, leaving a longing for what was left behind and a yearning for what lays ahead.

The Road is ever winding, variant. One moment you are overwhelmed by the ocean, the sea and the great cliffs who command your respect. The next is filled with rolling, flowing hills, who hold a feigned softness brought on by the rough sea. Groves, pastures, farms, and distant windmills line this land. You move on, traveling through an ancient rain forest, a forest that holds a prehistoric life of its own, shaped, in part, by this great ocean.

You travel through this all, and then you are back, back among the cliffs and the wind, finally staring down the Twelve Apostles who are now eight, and gazing at the London Bridge who is fallen down. It seems as if the wind, the sea and time are doing their mighty work upon this great master piece. Soon what we know and see here, the bridge, the apostles and the rain forest, will be forever changed.

Amidst all of this, you cannot help but think, “How can I make this last?” It is not a question of preserving the land, it is a question of preserving the moment. It is a thing of life that neither can be upheld forever, but their lessons can.

The Road encompasses you, it breaks you, but it leads you to those places that heal. Sea, plain, forest, river, waterfall... They are healing places, and the road holds them all. Step into them, they will tell you something. More often then not, the lessons they teach, you have already learned; learned but forgotten. As such, we must always be opening and reopening, else we will remain stagnant and closed. I learned this from the many waterfalls along the road. They flow ever and always, journeying towards the great perhaps. The water molds to the land, veering often from its determined path, but always finds its way forward, towards whatever end it is destined, most often the sea and all its vastness. 

I am glad I took this journey, it reminded me of what I left behind, and has shown me a glimpse of what I travel towards. What do I travel towards? Wait and see.

Clock Time, Eternity

Life seems to have resumed a normal pace again. I've come to see the unsteadiness of time in my two and a half months here, more so than I did back home. Perhaps it is because I am more aware, and less aware, of time as a whole.

There will always be the ticking of the clock, things that need to be done at this time or that time, schedules. But in that clock there is eternity, which can be seen in a second, in a minute or in any length of time; such is the beauty of eternity. It is forever in an instant. Have you heard of this concept? It is quite unexplainable, but we try. I believe it is similar to that of catching a glimpse of heaven. For one irrevocably beautiful moment, you see through more than just eyes, but through something eternal, to something eternal. It is a pause, not in clock time, but in life time, where an hour can turn into centuries and a year a few seconds. Such is the case that most often these eternal moments go unrecognized, at least until after their passing. It is a blessing that we can look back on them at all.

I must admit, the two weeks I neglected to post were because I was caught up in clock time. The business of the moment is very alluring, especially when you have been seeking something to occupy your time. Yes, being is nice, but we are human, and must also do. And I most certainly was doing! In the span of two weeks I rehearsed and performed over 15 hours of Wagner, climbed all over the Dandenong hills, saw my first Australian wildlife (an echidna), and watched a most beautiful sunset overlooking the city, the bay, the You Yangs and beyond. I traveled on my first V-line country train, explored the city of Geelong, Torquay, and Bells Beach, and have been progressing with my new job.

Life is easier when it is filled with things to do and achieve. Busyness brings concentration, activeness, movement and so much more. Unfortunately it can very easily lead to distraction, if you aren't careful. It did with me, but I do not regret it, or apologize for it. It was necessary, for I have progressed more in the two weeks time than I could have hoped for, finally gaining what I most sought after arriving here. A friend. Someone to share my time with, and not my clock time, my unmeasured time.

I have learned to stop looking for eternity in the beyond, and to start seeing it in the now. That is where it lies, playing out right before our eyes. With each passing day I am opened a little more. So are you. If we're lucky, we might even catch a glimpse of heaven.